i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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