her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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