he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
