I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
