Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
