sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My penis needs a shock collar
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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