Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
