i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
