so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
