Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
