She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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