I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
honey bunches of taint.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
