this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
