You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
