Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
