Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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