My balls are so social today.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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