FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
