once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
