Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
