my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
This girl is more easily done than said...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
