I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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