one two three fourrrrnication!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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