i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
