It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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