i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
