...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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