the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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