Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You were trust falling into bushes
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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