marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
