So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
