i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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