There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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