For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
