why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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