I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
