i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
