no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
