this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
