We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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