I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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