so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
