you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Found the puke drawer
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
