just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
