Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
