are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just want to make out with him forever
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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