I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
