Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
