So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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