did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
