He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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