Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
