I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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