they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
