Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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