just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just pynch a tree in the face
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
