For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
