Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
