Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
